oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
quick i need to know how implid consent works for golf carts
too late i think im gettin a gcui
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
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