I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
