he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
Randomize
