so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
Randomize
