she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
Randomize
