I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Randomize
