My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
