2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Randomize
