Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize