Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
