NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
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