Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize