Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
Randomize
