all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
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