I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
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