hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Randomize
