I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Randomize
