my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
Randomize
