When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
he's single and there are thong briefs.
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