I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
Randomize
