the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
I have fence marks all over my body
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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