the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Randomize
