I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
