rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
