ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
Randomize
