I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
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