He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
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