i will never coherently bang her
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
Randomize
