Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
