You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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