Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
