So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
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