I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
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