hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
Randomize
