I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
Randomize
