Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Randomize
