the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
Randomize