i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize