I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
Randomize
