whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
YAS. BRING CRAB.
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
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