we have pet lesbian snakes
Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
Randomize
