Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
You were trust falling into bushes
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