I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Randomize
