i don't plan on having that self control this summer
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
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