I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
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