so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Randomize
