and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
