i was rollin on her like bob the builder
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
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