I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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