He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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