when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize