ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
