Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
Randomize
