if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
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