There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
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