I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
Randomize
