sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
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