guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
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