I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Randomize
