i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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