I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
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