you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Randomize
