Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
