based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
