Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
People are allowed to visit it's just they can't be from Germany and have to wear masks.
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
Just high enough for therapy.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Randomize
