Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Randomize
