Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
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