Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
Randomize
