how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
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