Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize