Letd wlk him
Lrtd walek hime
Lets wlk home,,,ther we go
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
Well I just put wine in my tea
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
Randomize
