You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Randomize
