planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
I'm having to shit out rocks
Randomize
