I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
I want to have your abortion
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Randomize
