i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
Randomize
