how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
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